Fist Fights In The Workplace: a case for teaching durable human skills in schools
I recently saw a video of a fight that took place in a professional workplace. And when I say fight, I don't mean a tense meeting. I don't mean an uncomfortable disagreement. I mean a real, live fist fight.
These were adults. Professionals. People presumably trained and qualified in their respective areas of expertise. People completely capable of performing the technical responsibilities they were hired to do.
And yet, in that moment, none of those technical skills mattered very much. Differing opinions became insults. Insults escalated, and eventually, two adults who were supposed to be contributing to an organization were physically fighting one another.
It's an extreme example, certainly, but it illustrates something important about the way we prepare young people for life beyond school: Technical competence alone is not enough.
People also need to know how to be people with other people.
Connection Isn't Extra
One of the greatest misconceptions in education is that teaching the skillsets necessary for connection is something extra. It's sometimes treated as a nice addition to academics: something to focus on when there is time, something naturally gifted educators are good at, or something students will simply figure out as they grow. We disagree.
Connection may be one of the most important durable human skills students ever develop.
Connection influences how we:
Build relationships
Communicate
Collaborate
Navigate disagreements
Listen to different perspectives
Contribute to groups and communities
Ask for and receive support
In schools, connection can also influence the way students experience engagement and belonging. And after graduation? The need for the skills to positively connect don't disappear. The setting simply changes.
The Skills Students Need at Work Are Human Skills
Think about nearly any career.
Healthcare professionals have to communicate with patients and colleagues.
Engineers work on teams.
Teachers build relationships with students, families, administrators, and coworkers.
Business leaders navigate different opinions and priorities.
Tradespeople coordinate with clients, contractors, vendors, and teammates.
Entrepreneurs build relationships with customers, employees, partners, and investors.
Technical skills may get someone into the room.
Employers need people who can communicate, collaborate, listen, adapt, navigate conflict, contribute constructively, and build trust. Future partners value those skills. Future families value them. Future communities value them. And every student, regardless of the career path or life choices they eventually make, will need them.
Connection Is a Skillset
Students aren't simply born knowing how to build healthy relationships.
Connection isn't something students either “have” or don't have.
It is a skillset.
It can be taught.
It can be practiced.
It can be strengthened.
Students can learn to listen.
They can practice communicating what they think and feel.
They can develop empathy.
They can learn how to contribute to a group.
They can practice recognizing another person's perspective without abandoning their own.
They can learn that disagreement doesn't have to become disrespect.
And they can begin understanding the impact their behavior has on the people around them.
Those are durable human skills.
Conflict Isn't the Problem
We should also be clear about something: the goal isn't to teach students how to avoid every disagreement. That's neither realistic nor desirable. Healthy relationships aren't relationships where everyone agrees all the time.
Classrooms are filled with different ideas. Workplaces are filled with competing priorities. Families disagree. Teams disagree. Communities disagree. The skill is learning what to do when disagreement happens.
Can I listen?
Can I communicate clearly?
Can I manage my own response?
Can I remain confident without needing to diminish someone else?
Can I recognize another person's humanity while holding a different opinion?
Can I work toward a productive outcome?
Those are sophisticated skills.
And waiting until adulthood to hope people develop them seems like a fairly risky strategy.
The aforementioned workplace video provides Exhibit A.
Connection, Kindness, and Confidence Work Together
At I AM Noticed, we often talk about three interconnected areas: Connection. Kindness. Confidence.
Connection helps us build relationships with ourselves and others.
Kindness helps us think, feel, communicate, and act positively toward ourselves and other people.
Confidence helps us understand our own value without needing to diminish someone else's.
These aren't isolated concepts. They work together.
Imagine disagreement through that lens.
Connection says: I can listen and stay in relationship with you.
Kindness says: I can disagree without devaluing you.
Confidence says: I can stand in what I believe without needing to prove that I am better than you.
Suddenly, we're not simply talking about making school nicer. We're talking about preparing students to successfully navigate the human environments they'll encounter for the rest of their lives.
Why Schools Are the Perfect Place to Practice Connection
Schools offer students something incredibly valuable: opportunities to practice these skills every single day.
They work with people they didn't choose.
They encounter different personalities.
They participate in teams.
They experience misunderstandings.
They receive feedback.
They make mistakes.
They encounter disappointment.
They have opportunities to include and be included.
In other words, school is already a laboratory for human interaction. The opportunity is to make that learning more intentional.
Instead of assuming students will develop relationship skills simply by being around other people, schools can provide common language, instruction, modeling, and repeated opportunities to practice. That's how a skill develops.
Connection Can Change the Way School Feels
There's also an immediate benefit.
When students experience meaningful connection consistently, school can begin to feel different.
Classrooms feel different.
Relationships feel different.
Students can experience a stronger sense of belonging.
Educators can spend less time trying to manufacture connection from scratch because common practices support the work.
Those experiences can contribute to a more positive school culture.
That's what makes teaching durable human skills so powerful. The skills students need for their future can simultaneously improve the environment where they're learning today.
We're not choosing between preparing students for life and creating a school they want to attend. The two goals can reinforce one another.
We're All Just Taller Middle Schoolers
This conversation reminds us of an episode from our podcast called We Are All Just Taller Middle Schoolers. The title is funny because there's a little uncomfortable truth hiding inside it. Growing older doesn't automatically eliminate insecurity.
Adults still want to belong.
We still want to be accepted.
We still misunderstand each other.
We still get defensive.
We still need courage to communicate.
And sometimes, apparently, adults still end up in fist fights.
It takes bravery to show up confidently at any age, and we're far more prepared to do that successfully when we've had opportunities to learn and practice the skills of connection, kindness, and confidence.
This is one of the reasons we built the I AM Noticed Culture Operating System. Positive school culture is an important outcome of the work, but it isn't the finish line.
We want students to leave school carrying durable human skills with them.
Into their first job.
Into college.
Into relationships.
Into leadership.
Into families.
Into communities.
Students who know how to build healthy relationships carry that capability everywhere they go. That's why connection isn't extra. It is preparation for the real world. And if we want graduates who are academically capable, career-ready, collaborative, confident, and prepared to positively contribute to the environments they enter, then connection is far too important to leave to chance. Let's teach it. Let's practice it. And let's give students thousands of opportunities to get better at it because someday they'll be sitting in classrooms, boardrooms, job sites, hospitals, offices, homes, and community meetings without us.
Let's give them the human skills to navigate those rooms well, and perhaps keep the chairs, conference tables, and one another intact.
